Been a long time.... and time's a loaded gun

Life's changed a lot in a year. I can't believe I've neglected this place for over a year...

There was a time when I wrote a lot. Now, I find that I'm just thinking, and how that would make a good read somewhere, at some time. I find it hard to put it down in words. It's like a flood of feelings and thoughts, that have no real flow - and wouldn't make a lot of sense once leaked out my mind. What would I even write, anyway? It's not like anyone would be entertained by my random thoughts on people and human behaviour. Right?

Right now, I'm sitting in Starbucks... drinking a coffee, that I've been nursing for almost an hour. An older man sits at the same table, across from me, and he's deep in thought while reading today's paper. Once in a while he looks up at the young mums across the room, but what he's really after is seat away from here. He just moved to the comfy chair. He's older, but not so out of touch. He carries an cell phone with him, an MP3 player with earbuds dangling around his neck like glasses. But what's interesting about that?! I find it interesting. I love watching people. I love seeing what they do, and how it all plays out.

Two young mums sitting in the soft chairs are conversing about their kids. It's an accomplishment to have children- it's a lot of work. Only those who've had them can even know this. So, yes, we gravitate to this! We want to share our stories. We. Yes. We. I'm a mother of 3. I understand the need to talk. It's amazing how long the conversation can last. It's been a good 45 mins, and they're still talking about their babies and toddlers. When you're whole life and day-to-day routines are around your kids, it's all you've got. Other mums are happy to listen and share. Yet, it's irritating to those who aren't parents.

I had a friend once say she finds it gross and/or annoying when women talk about their child birth. She doesn't have kids- so it's hard to understand. I thought on this for a long time... Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve? Well, you know what? It's a damn miracle we've created. Most of us have suffered through life-threatening pain... and we are entitled to bragging rights. It's a life that we carried for 9 mos. inside us, and now a life that will care for and nurture for the rest of our lives. There's no medals... no appreciation ceremonies... no monetary prize. Let us have the time to share our feat!

So... here I've gone and rambled on! I guess I felt passionate about that last bit! ;)

It's a Friday morning. This place is pretty full, considering it's a weekday. I see women in their mid to late 30's having coffee... wearing yoga attire. Neither of them wearing wedding rings... do they have kids? What do they do? I'm in a constant search for a new career. I'm on the lookout for a job that gives me complete freedom, money and something that I want to do every day!

I'm at a cross-roads.

I went from College student, to working fulltime in a Group Home for behavioural kids... to getting married... travelled to China for a year with my husband... came home expecting baby number one. We moved west, and I began working fulltime while my husband went to school... Baby #2 came along. I stopped working, with no intention of going back to that job!! The agency was horrible, and I was giving up MY time with MY family to take care of kids' whose parents bailed on their responsibilities. Not even going there... So... now it's been over 6 yrs since I worked in my "profession". Along the way, I've worked part time in evenings and weekends. I'm still doing a few PT ventures on the side.... Now, my kids are all in school. The last one, #3, is home 3/5 days of the week... So, I'm not totally out of that stage. But, very close. Eerily close.

What next?

Switching trains... changing highways. Who knows where the track leads. I have no clue. My purpose in life is changing. The ways I'm needed are no longer the same, and I have to figure out how to balance it all out. Truth is, the kids still need to get to school, be cared for afterwards... stay home when sick. The bills still need to be paid. A second income is essential for our family to progress, rather than maintain (barely).

I've started selling Pampered Chef products. I've done some cooking "shows" on YouTube. Those aren't paying the bills yet... but hopefully, I can make a good go of it. But it can't be all I have or do. So what will it be?

So, as I wrap up this convoluted post... Coldplay's "Life in Technicolor" is playing on my MP3 player... A song is always a nice way to end... or segway!

There's a wild wind blowing down the corner of my street
Every night there the headlights are glowing
There's a cold war coming on the radio, I heard
Baby, it's a violent world

Oh love, don't let me go
Won't you take me where the street lights glow?
I could hear rain coming, I could hear the sirens sound
Now my feet won't touch the ground


Time came a-creeping, oh, and time's a loaded gun
Every road is a ray of light
It goes on, time only can lead you on
Still, it's such a beautiful night

Oh love, don't let me go
Won't you take me where the street lights glow?
I can hear rain coming like a serenade of sound
Now my feet won't touch the ground

Gravity, release me
And don't ever hold me down
Now my feet won't touch the ground